Honesty and color

At the moment, my blog is like Frankfurt airport. Closed because of snow, with planes (I imagine) circling overhead.

 

Like those imaginary planes I am also circling without coming in to land. It is unfamiliar terrain down there.

Changing the blog url is a fresh new start, and I do not know how to jump in.  

But this Saturday morning it is quiet. Eva is at an Indian Holi festival organized by some classmates, and I finally 
have time to write down some thoughts.

After the festival

I do know what I want for the blog. 

I want it honest, I want it raw, I want it beautiful, not because it is aesthetically pleasing, but because it is true. 

Resonating. Touching, with the realization that some truths are the same for all of us, no matter what we look like on the outside. We all have to deal with life being unpredictable, being brutal, being tough. With making mistakes, with having regrets, with coming short of our own expectations.

With hurting others, deliberately or through being blind and unaware.

And still we have to go on, every day. And still there is so much beauty, so much grace, such goodness.

We are all in this together.

So the idea is that whatever I experience will be of value to you if I am uncompromisingly honest about it. 
Because such honesty always touches that part in us that knows. 

Knows we are ultimately the same. 

We all want to find our own truth, live out our own uniqueness. Contribute ourselves.

In my work as a healing facilitator, I love my clients so much when they start to open up. Even if they have done things 
that are not nice at all. If it is truthful, it is beautiful, and I can understand. Being that honest, opening yourself up with 
such vulnerability has to touch. I can’t help but love this incredibly courageous soul.

And maybe this is why I want to do be so honest myself. 

Because I want to be loved.  For the real me. For the person full of flaws, full of shortcomings, short of money. For the impatient, angry, snappy bitch I sometimes am. For being insecure. For hiding. Behind books, behind smiles, behind 
being nice. 

And because coming out of hiding is an act of self-love, of acceptance. And hopefully of inspiration. 

We all struggle, let’s do it together! Becoming gentler and more real in the process.

A wonderful weekend dear friends!

Lots of love,

Ps: After a swim, a shower and a bath, my child is still colorful. So is her bedding, her t-shirt and the wall....

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Different worlds

Yesterday, while I spent the day looking for a cool place, my parents send me some pictures of their reality:

 

I love them, and I love the reminder that wherever you are at, be it physically or emotionally or in the way you think,
there is always a different experience.

All you have to do is change your perspective (or hop on a plane :-) )



Have a beautiful start to the week!




Lots of love,

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Flowering

Weekly poem number four, on this wonderful cool, cloudy day:

you found a little piece of ‘you’

now you polish it, grasp it, follow through

so brave and so lonely

and so stuck

in your identity

but once again you are not free

release, let go and dare to be

undefined

you’re so much more

than just one kind

you’re brave

and you’re wild

you’re open

and free

you’re loving

you’re change

you’re wonder

you’re glee

you’re trust

and you’re gratitude

daring

and empty

you’re you without you

you’re stardust

you’re god

let go of the pieces

and embrace the lot

I am linking this to lovely Amy's self portrait party.

Hugs to you, 

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This month

This morning, I read an article by Alexandra Franzen:

‘So THAT happened….!’ A journaling practice for people that tend to forget their own awesomeness.

What it basically entails is that you write down the cool things you did this month.

Sometimes it is enough to just change your perspective and something boring becomes new.

I also tried that with the pictures for this post. 
Different points of view leave my house looking excitedly unfamiliar :-).

Please join me in honoring the (extra)ordinary!

 

This January, I

•  had  a whole month of healthy! Fruit for breakfast, lots of salad, daily trampoline jumping and daily yoga, to counteract my tendency to sit on the couch and read and eat chocolate when emotionally upset. I am feeling (and looking) so much better for it! 

• learned a lot about a certain boy band Eva is obsessed with

• managed to see disappointment as a chance rather than a loss, and to accept it with dignity instead of entitlement. Read that again and realized how pompous that sounds. Will leave it in anyway because it is true, and something I am proud of :-)

• wrote three poems and loved it! 

 

• went to two birthday parties, a baby shower, a reunion with old friends, and a Saturday afternoon braai, and had fun

• harvested and ate my first home grown mangoes

• spent a lot of time thinking about what I want in life, what is important to me, which compromises are appropriate and which lead to selling-out

• got up at 5 every weekday morning without complaining :-)

• experienced intense happiness in seemingly ordinary moments

 

• remembered to put the dustbins out on time (imperative in our current heat wave. The smell is unbelievable if you forget it :-) )

• worked with a lot of clients and so enjoyed it! I love it when people realize their own potential

• found a puppy and brought her home. She is sweet and cocky and quite clever, and does all the usual puppy things (chew shoes, pee on carpets, run in front of cars, and sleep during the day while jumping around at night, looking for company)

• connected with you guys on a much deeper level. I had so many beautiful email exchanges, and heartfelt, supportive and interesting comments. What a blessing you are!

This is it for me. What happened in your January?

Lots of love,

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Questioning and happiness

Last week, I got a lawyers' letter saying that I have to close my website/blog, because there is a company
in Ohio selling organizing paraphernalia that is called 'Organized Living'. I am apparently stepping on their
toes by misleading their costumers and by using their good name to get readers.
So far, they have managed to block my facebook account in the US.
Before naming my website, I did an extensive search for name availability and 'Organized Living Solutions'
came back as being available.

I don't know if they can somehow block this blog too, so I am writing this to prepare you. Should the blog
disappear, please look for me under 'Jutta Dobler' (if you want to that is).


I am also writing this to make sense of what is happening. I started my website three years ago (and the
blog a year and a half ago), and have put countless unpaid hours into both.

The website doesn't interest me that much anymore, but I so love the blog. I love connecting with you.
I love the safe space it provides, independent from relationship or work issues.


Quite some time ago, I made the decision to take everything that happens in my life as benefiting me,
even if I do not see immediately how it might do that. I am sticking with that now, although so far I am
still rather blind.


But one strange and wonderful thing did happen yesterday.

While driving, I suddenly had a surge of happiness come over me. It was completely unrelated to what is
going on in my life (and had nothing to do with taking mood altering substances :-) ).

I was just happy. Then, because I couldn't understand it, I thought about my failed marriage, and about the
uncertainty about the blog, and it didn't change a thing. I was still happy!

Odd but lovely :-).

I have read often that being happy is (or can be) independent from your circumstances, but I never experienced
it before. Maybe all that 'being in the moment' is starting to have an effect.

So now I can tell you: we really can be happy no matter what.



And if you don't believe me, I leave you with this guy to sprinkle some magic dust:

Hugs to you dear friends,








Ps: In case you have any legal insights or tips, please let me know.

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Flying

Here is the second weekly poem.

To focus on writing again is wonderful. That feeling when you realize that the poem is starting to sing is the best in
the world!
Who needs men when you can play with words (ok, don't answer that :-) ).

the gravity is strong

oh but the knowing

is stronger yet

and doesn’t let me lie

it keeps on pushing keeps on showing

and finally I fly

and lift off past the earthly sludge

past living once again the daily dread

past expectations, questions and the drudge

of you and me and stories in my head

come fly with me to places that are sacred

to beauty and to courage and to trust

to understanding

love and all things naked

stripped and released from should and ought and must

to honesty, to gentleness and purpose

and then, my love, lets journey to the night

and find the stars that in the greatest darkness

are always there, are always shining bright

how freeing to let go of longing

be brave instead and open and at peace

and limitless, then find yourself belonging

to earth and heaven and to all there is

 

Lots of love,










Ps: I am linking to these lovely parties.

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Shopping and perspectives

Today, i put my optimism down somewhere and now i can't find it again. It got lost in the piles of worry, longing and
ache that are lying around.

But i am still somehow sticking with self care. Seeing that the day is off kilter, the self care is also not all that holy
and grown-up.


I went shopping. Knowing full well that Eva's gymnastic fee has to be paid, that all the pets need their inoculations
this month, that the fridge is pretty empty...

But i went shopping anyway, i found clothes i like, and i am feeling better.
Especially after giving myself a good talking to that the clothes were on sale, that i haven't bought anything new in
ages, and that i need to look presentable when i am seeing clients (or when i run into old boyfriends...).


I found a dress that is light and pretty and yellow in parts. The last time I owned anything yellow was in my teens.
It feels a bit scary, but in a nice way (and it also has big parts of reassuringly familiar grey):

I also bought an everyday practical 'do the dishes and walk the dogs and see clients in' kind of dress, and a star
struck pullover with yet more yellow (ha, there must be some optimism left! There is no way that I can wear that
pullover in the current heat, but I am clearly expecting it to get colder here one of these days...):

Now I just need some places to go to...


That reminds me:

Sometimes you find yourself in the desert
and sometimes, in the desert, you find yourself 
(although it might take a while, and might contain some dry stretches :-) )




Lots of love dear friends,









Ps: I wrote this post yesterday, but was too unenthusiastic to hit 'publish'. Am feeling MUCH better today.
No need to worry, mum :-)



I am linking to The Pleated Poppy and to Zickimicki.

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