Consciously creating a beautiful life.





Monday, 14 January 2013

The story of a relationship



This post comes with a warning. It is rather personal, and it contains poetry. If that is not your thing, come
back tomorrow, when we will have something crafty again :-).




These last couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about where I am coming from and where I want to go. 

What has become very clear to me is that I have to tell the truth. 
To myself, and to the world. 
Not because I am special, but because I am unique, just like you are, just like we all are.
If I do not express this uniqueness, it has been wasted on me.



When i was six years old, i knew that I wanted to be a writer. When I was 26, my first book was published.
When I was 30 I moved to Africa and lost my language. My man is a journalist, and here, he is the writer. 
He is the one playing with words. 
English felt clumsy and unfamiliar, and because I constantly sparred with a new language, my old one didn’t sing 
for me anymore.


Only occasionally, in the grip of strong emotions, I still wrote poetry. 


I don’t know if these poems are good or not, but I know that focusing your words, distilling them down until you 
have what you think is the essence, has such healing properties.


Recently, in my mind, I have started to link words again.


Here is the story of a relationship, in three poems:





1.

angel of the morning
bringer of dawn

soft touch of a memory
so gently drawn

from a heart that is waiting
from a soul that still knows
from a body in shivers
remembering vows


where were you my darling
while I was searching
what did you do
on those mornings long gone?


help me recall
and I help you recover
help me believe
and I help you to be


what we had
what we lost
what we found
what we treasure


all of it, angel
for the morning to see







2.
 
the only way out is in
the only way through is through

i wait and I beg and i shout
where did you go
where have you been
who are you
within?


sit with it and burn
sit with it and breathe
and then feel underneath…


breathe some more
become quite still


surrender control
surrender your will


let it come
you
life
me


just be



through the fire
through the pain
through the anger
through the blame



feels so good, feels so serene
resting within



then it all comes crushing down
purgatory
fury
and so sad


why why why?


set me free



no shortcuts in this game
sit and breathe and be true
the only way out is in
the only way through is through









3.


something comes along and opens you up
right down the middle
and who you thought you are spills out


the river swells
and the storm howls the dust of your soul


you know that you don’t know
and all you cling to crumbles



let your lovers love themselves



this is your calling
forced to be present
any other place unbearable


this is your gift


let life empty you
break you open


until you are
filled with light






Hugs to you,





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25 comments:

  1. Oh Jutta - so so beautiful and full of emotion. I just love your words - you are very talented. And a wonderful writer xxx hugs to you Nat

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  2. I'm sitting here speechless and knowing I have to say something. I knew you were special, I just didn't know how special. The poetry is well crafted and moving. The honesty is priceless. I do love to read about your home projects, lovely daughter and the bits and pieces of your world but you are a real writer and I want you to write!

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  3. The face you wear is too brave. The words take me right to deep inside.
    Love & light
    S

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  4. I love this, this raw emotion woven into beautiful words. I am glad you are writing again. Don't stop. You have left me speechless as well.

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  5. Beautiful writing and sharing of thoughts and emotions. You've certainly come through the sparring with English as the winner. While it has been difficult, you now can share your thoughts perfectly in another language.

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  6. Jutta, I never knew you were so talented! It must be difficult writing the rhymes in English, sometimes I write little poems in Romanian but in translation somethings are lost. Thank you for opening up to us, the third poem went straight to a memory that I never had before.

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  7. wow Jutta, you are full of surprises!I just love your poems. I am glad you found your words again, and even in another language. You have so many awesome talents and gifts,I hope you will keep on embracing them all, being and expressing who you are, and doing what you love to do! Your poems really touched me! I hope we will be reading more from you :) Hugs and love

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  8. Jutta, you have a true voice. I can feel it in your words. I have been a lover of poetry most of my life, and I have also written on and off since I was a child, so I know its healing power well. Your third poem really spoke to me. The words "you know that you don't know"... amazing. That poem is where I am right now. It's not only the answers we are looking for in life, often it's the questions.

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  9. Jutta, what incredibly beautiful words. I've always been drawn to your blog, to your philosophies and your voice. Your poems are beautiful. I am even more impressed that you are able to weave such beautiful words in a language that is not native to you. I am glad you found your words again.

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  10. <3 <3 <3 <3
    The only way out is in!
    You've got a way with everything you touch!
    Creator of beauty indeed!

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  11. Really beautiful. Thank you for linking this up at New Nostalgia's AP Tuesdays. I featured you on NN FB page today. https://www.facebook.com/pages/New-Nostalgia/271820116315 Also, I wanted to find you on FB and when I click on your FB button in your sidebar it takes me to my own FB Home page. You gotta fix that...your words need to be heard!

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  12. Beautiful words. So much emotion.Thanks so much for sharing at Wednesday's Adorned From Above Blog Hop.
    Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above
    Bethany @ Whistle and Ivy

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  13. You are so blessed to have the inspiration of love to express through your poetry. Thank you for sharing this on Fluster's Muster Party.

    Hugs & Smiles

    Robin
    http://www.flusterbuster.com

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  14. I came across from The Brambleberry Cottage and so pleased I did. Your writing is stunning and these poems spoke to me unbelievably. I have had a very difficult few years which I don't want to go into but I want to say that reading your poems has given me insight as to where I should be going.

    Your poetry is beautiful and so meaningful. I don't usually read poetry but I can honestly say that this is the most powerful I have read. Maybe its my situation or maybe its that you write from the heart and your words are very powerful.

    Lee

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  15. I think your words are just gorgeous. I found you from the Shabby Creek Cottage. The photograph of your back turned (if it's you) is captivating.

    Keep on writing.

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    Replies
    1. thank you so much!! Yes, it is my back :-)
      hugs to you

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  16. Your poems have touched my heart, your blog has touched my heart - thank you, I'm so glad I have found you!!
    xoxo

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    Replies
    1. thank you so so much dear Raquel! your comment has touched me too.
      big hug
      xxx

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  17. Your poem is so lovely, I was having goosebumps. I too am in the same situation. In a foreign land my life has shifted, living behind the life I used to love, people dear to me, and who still long for me until these days!

    Hopping by and following your lovely blog's twitter, FB. I blog @ Getting Healthy with Essential Oils

    I am also inviting you to join Tiddle Diddle Handmade Shoppe's first giveaway event.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your beautiful comment, am on my way over to you now :-)
      hugs
      Jutta

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  18. beautiful!
    I would love it if you would share this (and anything else you have been working on) at my linky party! http://domesticrandomness.blogspot.com/2013/01/friday-fascinations-8-everything-linky.html

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  19. Thanks so much for sharing your project with us! Visit us again next showcase next week!

    Have a good week,
    Susie@Bowdabra
    http://bowdabrablog.com

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  20. Hi Jutta, Thanks so much for sharing at Wednesday's Seasonal Celebration! I found your poem so very poignant, beautiful and soulful, it moved me to tears..Rebecca@ Natural Mothers Network x

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    Replies
    1. How very nice of you. Thank you so much dear Rebecca!

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  21. Absolutely beautiful Jutta!!! xoxox

    Thanks so much for sharing this at The DIY Dreamer... From Dream To Reality! I'm looking forward to seeing what you link up this evening! :)

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