Consciously creating a beautiful life.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Being a mom

Last week a friend and her two months old daughter came to visit.

Seeing Yara reminded me again what a miracle a baby is.
Being a mom really is the most wonderful thing in the world!

Even if it is not always the easiest…


Since their visit I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a mom.

The main thing that came up for me is trust.
When you are a mum you need a LOT of trust.

Trust that your child will sleep when it is tired (and that it will keep on breathing while sleeping), trust that it will eat when hungry, trust that it will stop using nappies eventually, trust that it will stop breastfeeding when ready (this one nearly got me, it took Eva 3,5 years before she decided she had enough, I had nightmares of her running home from school to have a sip :-) ).

And later, trust that she knows which friends to pick, what to tell you, how to be unhappy and get through it…

Trust that your child will grow fully into the wonderful person that she is meant to be, with your support, but without you trying to shape that person according to your own ideas.

There is so much pressure on parents now-a-days, which in turn puts a lot of pressure on the children. 

We are afraid of what will become of our kids, afraid that they are not good enough, that they will get hurt, that they won’t fit in, hang out with the wrong crowd, fail in school, not be pretty or bright or successful….

As much as possible, let it go.

You can’t live your child’s life for her. You can only show her what it means to be happy, what it means to be honest and responsible, what it means to develop your full potential.

And then trust that this is enough.

Trust that with this kind of guidance, your child will find her way, even if it sometimes doesn’t look like it.

Let her loose.
Don’t micro manage.
Don’t question all the time.

I know how difficult it is, but I also know how rewarding it is when you get it right.
How freeing, not only for your child but also for yourself.

It is not up to you to make her function, to make her smart, not even to make her happy.
Provide a safe and stable environment and be happy yourself, make sure you are fulfilled and try NOT to live through your children. 

It is their life, you have yours. If you want to become a lawyer go and do it (yes, even if you are 45) and let your child be the artist that she is. Or you become an artist and let her be the lawyer that she is. 

It doesn’t matter which profession your children will have, it matters that they become all that they can be, that they live out their talent and their passion, that they are compassionate and kind, and that being with them is an inspiration to others.

You don’t necessarily have to be good in school to do that.

Set your kids free, let go of your expectations, love them for who they are.

And don’t worry.
Worrying doesn’t help, it just gives you a bad mood, sleepless nights, an ulcer, and it is 
soooooo exhausting :-)

I know this is not always easy, I know that there are cases were not worrying seems quite impossible. 
But just think about it. What does it help when you worry? Does it change the situation? Does it make your child feel better? 

As a mom you are the ‘heart of the home’, and when the heart is ok, the home is ok. 

The better you feel, the more you enjoy your life, the easier it is for everyone around you to do the same.

And if they choose not to, then at least you feel good  :-).


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  1. Well said, right thoughts... The hard part is to do that in practice. But I always wonder why? Female hormones? Society? family status? Keep wondering...

    1. I think a lot has to do with babies being so entirely dependent on their moms when they are small. You have to be there for them 24-7, no matter what else is happening, no matter if you feel like it or not, and once you got used to that (and often abandoned all other interest in the process  ) you have to start to let them go….


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